These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
