I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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