please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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