I wish I could punch you in the face.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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