where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
