Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
