my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He shit in the fireplace
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
