i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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