if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
