Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
