kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
