well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize