im six kinds of drunk right now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
