community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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