Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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