My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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