He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
