Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
