can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
