pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
did you just send me my own nude
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
