Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
