Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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