a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
