A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
