Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
