there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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