I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
