your thong is hanging out like whoa
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize