It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
