Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We smell like vodka and hangover
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