you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
