the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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