look no pants
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
