So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
