don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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