come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize