Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
