I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
