Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
