Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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