just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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