we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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