i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
