DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
