I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
