I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Randomize
