my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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