dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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