i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
