i'm signing you up for texting rehab
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
