i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
