well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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