I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
