i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
soo... how was my night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize