I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
