So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My ATM looks so different sober.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
