the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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