Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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