is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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