i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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