If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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