dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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